One Year Ago Today

It's hard to believe that one year ago today, my husband and I found out we were pregnant. I had been having pains, and I knew something just wasn't right. I felt, "off". So, my husband went and bought a pack of tests so I could test first thing the next morning. I was too anxious and tested as soon as I got them. The pains I had been having were the fimilar pains I have had many times before and I was fearing I was pregnant; I was fearing I was miscarrying.

Seeing the word, "Pregnant" displayed on the digital pregnancy test almost gave me a panic attack. I wasn't panicing because I didn't want a baby... I was panicing because I wanted a baby more than anything. I wanted my body to hold a pregnancy for once. I was tortured by our history of miscarriages and was fearing the worst all over again.

Because of the severe cramping and spotting, we rushed to the emergency room. If there was any chance to prevent a miscarriage, if that was what was happening, I wanted to try.

We were at the hospital for about 7-ish hours. Blood tests, ultrasounds, etc.. No answers. Our pregnancy was confirmed, but all they could say is, "We're not sure that you're not miscarrying. If you are, at this point there isn't anything we can do to prevent it. We need you to follow up with an OB tomorrow.". I think I cried all the way home, all night and even the following morning as I kept my arms wrapped around my stomach, along with my husband's arms. I prayed and prayed. I prayed more than I slept that night.

The following morning, I went to work. I didn't want to leave the credit union I worked for short handed that morning. It was the same thought I had when I tried to go to work right after finding out we were miscarrying with our first in 2008. Somehow I get it in my head that if I keep busy, I can get through the day. But that's never the case. Thankfully my superiors were amazing and had me leave. I got my appoinment for bloodwork with my OB and a followup on the following Monday.

My HCG levels were steadily rising. That was GREAT news. We had our first ultrasound. And still.. we were left with the possibility of miscarrying. Our ultrasound showed 2 sacks, but at that time we didn't know the fate of anything. We still had to wait. In January, I had 3 or 4 appointments to monitor how everything was going. Around 9 weeks, one sac had, "vanished" and we just had one baby. It took some time for me to comprehend all of this.

around 11.5 weeks, we finally told our family and friends. We were still high risk, but everything was looking healthy for our baby.

I was a crazy pregnancy, with quite a few scary moments, but oh so work every single second. It was worth 2 appointments every month, having 17 tubes of blood drawn in one sitting, on and off bed rest.. etc.

We expected him to come early around 35 weeks due to my uterine anomaly, but never expected 32 weeks and an emergency c-section. We were definitely challenged, but even more so.. we are beyond blessed.

Here we are now, just days away from Cash William being 6 months old actual, 4 months adjusted. He's healthy and happy. He is the best thing on this earth for me and my husband. We still get comments from time to time about how little he is for 6 months, but when they find out he's a 32 weeker, their tune changes to how "huge" he is. Like yesterday at Best Buy, Cash was chewing on his fingers and hand. A man mentioned it and I said he was teething. The man said, "he's too young for teething!". I mentioned he is about 6 months old and the man commented on how small he is, mentioning how he thought he was only 4 months old (... although some 4 month olds teethe!). I followed with explaining he is a preemie, and should only be 4 months old. The man then mentioned how chunky he is. Big or small, tall or short.. leg rolls and all, Cash William is perfect.

It has been a crazy and blessed year. Last year we were blessed with the news of a pregnancy for Christmas (although terrifying at the time) This year, we are blessed with a growing baby boy with insanely blue eyes, chipmunk cheeks and the gummiest smile.